Misunderstood, Yet So Grateful

I am a 45-year-old woman who had some odds stacked against her. My own father once admitted he really didn't know how I got out of bed each day, considering how defeating life has been to me. Like millions of others, life has dealt be some unfair hands ... but in it God has blessed me with so many things to be thankful for. This morning I had planned on working on my screenplay, but I had to stop to say thanks to the God who has never failed me.

I think the greatest battle I've faced has been being misunderstood and mis-diagnosed, leading to an inability to properly connect with other people or find my tribe. Until recently, loneliness has been my greatest enemy.

As a child I had undiagnosed dyslexia, and I was an HSP (Hyper Sensitive Person). I knew I was different from other kids growing up. Foods, textures of clothing, temperature changes, lighting changes and bright colors made my life difficult. It was impossible for me to focus if my environment was too stimulating, if my clothes were irritating me, or if a food I ate triggered brain fog and fatigue. I didn't learn how to read until I was 8-year-old, and I always felt behind others in school. It has taken me 45 years to get medical answers, but I now know I was suffering from ...

• Dyslexia / ADHD

• Fibromyalgia

• Adenomyosis & Adenosis (genetic tissue disorder, inflammation of the body's tissues and muscles, making the fibromyalgia worse ... led to multiple Fibroid Cysts & Hysterectomy ... and a uterus 3x the size of the average woman)

• Chronic Fatigue and Brain Fog

• Factor-H Deficiency (Mitochondrial Disorder), which causes my body to not fight as hard against infections and inflammation (slow to heal and slow to have muscle recovery after exercise)

• MCAS (panic attacks of the auto-immune system, which cause actual panic attacks without cause ... often mistaken for mental illness)

• Histamine Intolerance (unidentifiable, random, multiple allergies and overreaction of the body to outward stimuli)

• Dysautonomia/POTS (problems regulating heart rate, blood pressure and body temperature)

• Edema (swelling) and an inability to maintain proper salt/electrolyte levels in my bloodstream

• Migraines

You can imagine how much fun pregnancy and after-birth was for me. With my first child at age 21 I had severe inflammation, causing me to have heightened Postpartum Depression. Thankfully, with my second child at age 28, I did have some baby blues, but it passed in about a week or two. I had learned a thing or two by then on how to keep inflammation of the brain at a lower level.

And, since turning 40 I have discovered the following have compounded to make things more difficult to deal with...

• Hypertension (high blood pressure)

• Thyroid Nodules (benign)

• Diverticulosis, Stomach Ulcer & Erosion of Stomach Lining (malabsorption, malnutrition and tendency to develop diverticulitis)

• Eczema/Psoriasis (as if all the other stimuli were not painful enough, I've spent decades itching 24/7)

• Early Menopause (I was unaware I was experiencing full-blown menopause at 40 when 2/3 of my hair fell out and I aged 15 years over night. My body really freaked out, and none of my doctors ever mentioned how severe menopause could be)

Did I even mention the female surgery I had at age 30 to stop excessive monthly bleeding, the dental problems and countless dental surgeries I've had? Or having to have my gallbladder removed at age 39 because I was projectile vomiting, suffering from severe constipation/impaction, and had a basketball size belly pooch?

And, in life, I've lost friends to overdoses, suicide, mental illness, murder and more. Hopelessness and grief followed me for 25 solid years. Only in the last three years have I begun to unpack the impact those losses have had on me.

That's a lot to deal with. As you can imagine, a girl walking around constantly fatigued, with a half-working brain, a pained look on her face, and having panic attacks made people in my life think I was mentally unstable. It has only been in the last decade light has been shed on the severity of Fibromyalgia, Adenomyosis & Adenosis, Chronic Fatigue, Brain Fog, Factor-H Deficiency, MCAS, Histamine Intolerance, Dysautonomia/POTS, Edema and Migraines and symptoms related to these issues.

Back in the eighties and nineties when I was growing up, my parents didn't know anything about these disorders. In the 2000's when I began to seek medical help, doctors told me it was "all in my head" and prescribed me anti-depressants, further pushing the idea that I was mentally unwell.

This mistreatment and misdiagnosis of the medical community dumbfounded my family, and caused great stress in my relationships with men as a result. I think a huge part of why my marriages didn't work out with my three ex-husbands was they all developed "buyers remorse" when they realized how sick I was. Or, at the very least, they were very un-empathetic to what I was going through. That wasn't all of it, but I think it was a huge part of it for me. At the end of the day, I simply did not feel authentically loved in sickness and in health.

• Marriage I: I was married at age 19. Had a baby boy at 21, who I mostly raised by myself while I went to college and worked. We split when our son was only a month old

• Marriage II: I was married again at age 28, having a baby girl 10 months later. We split after four years of marriage when our daughter was three. I went back to school AGAIN

• Marriage III: I tried to be courageous and marry again at age 39. When this one didn't work out, I was honestly about as broken as a human being could be. I could not believe it was happening to us AGAIN. I was gutted. Our divorce was finalized when I was 42

  
  

I was devastated and humiliated to be divorced once, much less three times.. All I ever wanted was a husband and a family of my own. Not being able to give my children a traditional family ... and not being able to give them a healthy mom ... is, to this day, my life's greatest hurt and regret. My saving grace in all of this pain and suffering was my relationship with Jesus Christ, and my two perfect, gorgeous babies who have grown up to be incredible people in spite of it all.

I also had two wonderful parents, who even when they didn't understand what was happening to me, were always there for me. When it comes to my family and my children, it's as if God looked at all I was going to go through, and He gave me such profound joy and happiness being a daughter and mother. That joy carried me through many a dark day. They were, and have been, my lights in the darkness.

Me and Scott recently having dinner with three of our four children (at a restaurant with neon lighting!).

Then there's my FOURTH HUSBAND, MY HERO, MY BLESSING ... the ONE I DIDN'T SEE COMING in February of 2024 (and if I'm being honest, wasn't quite ready for): The wonderful Scott Christopher Davis.

!!!! This man, y'all !!!!

A Marine who never quits. A follower of Jesus Christ and Theologian who knows how to love his wife and kids like Christ loves the church. A man who wakes up every day asking himself, "how can I improve the quality of my wife's life today?"

Scott challenges me daily to be my best, not feel sorry for myself, and lays his life down DAILY for me and our four children, happy to always put himself last. A man who told me, "no wife of mine will clean a shower or mop a floor or have to work a job ... unless she wants to." A man who paid for me to go to the best doctors and surgeons to finally get much needed relief from so many of my symptoms. Scott is not only the smartest man I've ever met, he's also the most brave. How many men will jump into the fire with a wife who is battling illness and say, "for better or worse, in sickness and in health," and actually mean it?

I would have to write ten solid blogs just to recount the gifts this man has given me, the trips he's taken me on, the generosity of his heart towards our children, and the devotion he has to always do the right thing, even to his own hurt. Never have I witness such selfless, loving character. He epitomizes what every man should be for his family. I am daily in awe. His love has breathed new life into me, filling me with a gratitude that overflows into every area of my heart and soul.

I wish I could clone Scott for all my single female friends. I'm amazed at how we can fall in love with each other more each day. I'm amazed I finally got a happy ending (or beginning) at 45-years-old. Whether I get to keep Scott for another day, or for another 40 years, I will forever be grateful for the wondrous gift of this magnificent human being.

God was good when He created the Heavens and the Earth. No matter what is going on in our lives, He is still the same good Father yesterday, today and forever. He is still the God who answers prayer, and He is still the God who works all things together for our good! (Romans 8:28)

I posted this on Facebook ten years ago, and I hope it encourages you today as it has me every year since when it pops up on my Facebook Memories board: