Relationships: The With-ness That Loves Us Past Our Mistakes & Supports Personal Development

This blog was written in a rush and is a bit of a rabbit trail, but I hope the core message comes through.

Intention. Some of us are wired to live a life of intention, and some are not. Are you?

I see memes like this regularly, “You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestation of your own blessings,” and I do agree it is true to a point.

The Bible teaches us to not “boast about tomorrow,” for we do not know what’s coming around the corner. Then, the charismatic movement teaches we must intentionally SPEAK God’s will into our lives because “life and death are in the power of the tongue.”

I have friends that live by the motto, “Well, if it’s God’s plan, it’ll happen…” and they never take initiative to speak or do anything to make changes happen in their lives. They just assume God will do all the work and they don’t have to do anything. This stance keeps them from making mistakes, sure, but it seems nothing ever happens in their lives. They’re still in the exact same place they were a decade ago.

Then I have friends who pray prayers of intention, proclaiming good things into the coming year, usually based off some prophecy that was just spoken over the church. These are the people who plan out their year with exercise, fasting, business goals, education goals … they live with intention. They jump off bridges because it looks fun, and think nothing of whether or not it might be a mistake. Yet, most of them also wake up in the same spot this year as they were ten years ago.

We all change and grow at different paces, and some will go decades before they have their defining moments. Either way, how do we stay out of the ditch of disappointment? The quick-sand of false-hope?

God’s Word does give us tools that help us overcome, survive and even thrive in some areas. Doesn’t mean we’ll master them all in our lifetime. But, we can certainly learn, grow and develop into better people along the way.

We could ponder these kinds of questions and ideas all day. But here’s the thing…

It’s not about whether your prayer gets answered or not, or whether you have it all figured out yet or not, or even whether you reach your dreams/destinations or not.

Living well is about RELATIONSHIP. Jesus Christ suffered miserably, worst than any other human ever has, SO THAT You and I could have a relationship with Him. He wants to be our best friend, provider, conversationalist, etc. And, in turn, He wants us to just love Him and His children with the same selflessness He loved us with.

I always said when marrying a guy … This is how you tell if he’s the guy for you … Ask yourself: Regardless of his age, if he were nothing more than a bag boy at the local grocery store, would you’d be proud to be known as HIS bride? Would you wake up each day feeling like the luckiest girl alive because of who he was, not because of what he did?

You see so many men and women get their identity by what they do or how much money they make. What can he do for me? What can she do for me? Productivity is their measuring stick. But, a college degree and a fat bank account do not a happy person make. Nor is it a good predictor of fulfillment or future success. A good relationship is formed on a servant minded foundation of selflessness, serving the one you love the same way Jesus served the church, His family.

When falling in love or choosing friendships, you have to discipline yourself to fall in love with CHARACTER, INTEGRITY, HONESTY and the like.

“I’d be proud to marry him because he’s the best person I know. I can count on him to have my back when it counts...” Period.

Not because of where he can take me or what he can do for me.

In case y'all didn't know, this is why Rip from the TV show Yellowstone is so appealing to women. He always has Beth's back, no matter what, even when she is at her absolute worst. He'd die for that girl. And she would shred someone into a million pieces for him. Men and women across the globe are starved for that kind of selflessness, that kind of partnership. It's why it's one of the top rated shows of all time.

Don't message me about being a hypocrite for watching some of that show ... I'll work my own salvation out, thank you, and you can work yours out. God showed me a lot by watching Beth's crazy and Rip's unconditional love. Reminded me of how God loves us when we're being stupid and self-destructive. Anyhue ...

I watched another movie over Christmas break called "This Means War," and by Christian morality standards it wasn't up to par, but it had a few great messages in it. One of the messages came from two straight, male FBI agents, Tuck & FDR who were best friends. One looked at the other and said (paraphrased), "I would die for you, you would die for me. We always have each other's back no matter what. Now, imagine those qualities ... shared with a woman."

(Sadly, sooooo many men will live their whole lives at the hunting club or doing four tours in Iraq with their bros., instead of investing in their wives because they don't even realize this is an option. They bond with guys because when their Vasopressin hormone response bonds them to men who they are working towards a common goal with. It makes these men feel like family. They could have this same bond form with their wives, but they have to work with their wives on common goals in order for this bond to occur. But, that's a blog for another day.)

The second good message in that movie can also be seen in Rip & Beth's relationship. The girl, Lauren, is trying to decide which FBI agent to be with. Her friend advises, "Don't pick the better guy. Pick the guy who will make you the better you."

Beth is the best version of herself when she's with Rip. Lauren is her best version of herself when she's with ______ (I won't spoil it for you if you haven't seen the movie).

Jesus laid down His selfishness and His life and died for me. He’s the best person I know. Period. I picked Him because I'm the best version of myself with Him. He improves the quality of my life just by being there, and I endeavor to become the kind of person who adds to the joy of His family.

Yet, when we look at our relationship as the Bride of Christ, or as the family of Christ, we get our feelings hurt because Jesus hasn’t done enough for us. Maybe He hasn’t helped us fill our bank account, reach all our goals or live our dreams in the ways we expected Him to, so we become unimpressed at best, or disgusted at Him at worst. Then, we use His supposed failure as an excuse to be a 'ho and live any old way we want, do we not?

You always know a relationship is over when disgust and a loss of respect comes into the picture. Sometimes we reach a place of disgust when Jesus refuses to help us in a struggle.

I endeavor, and sometimes fail, to show Jesus Christ adequate respect and devotion. He has certainly earned it more than any man has. He’s always faithful, kind, my provider (as best He can be in a fallen world), understanding, gentle, patient, loving, sober-minded, a good listener and an even better follow-thru-er. I happen to admire His story-telling skills. I’ve watched Him save my hide so many, many times. He’s never once forsaken me.

So if He’s not able or willing, for whatever reason, to do something for me that I’ve been expecting Him to do, is that an okay reason for me to become disgusted and divorce Him as my Husband, so to speak?

Isn’t that what we all want? Not a person who can do all this stuff for us, but a person who wants to do everyday life stuff with us? Who challenges us and makes us better each day? Who loves us enough to be patient as we learn and grow up and make mistakes?

Jesus never promised us an easy, prosperity-filled, fanciful life. He promised He’d be in the midst of it with us.

One of the names of God is "Emmanuel" or “Immanuel,” which means “The One Who is WITH US!”

Life as a Christian is about being with, not getting to.

It’s about the company, not the destination.

So choose your company well. It’s a longggggg trip. Jesus is a good place to start, and should be the standard of our heart when picking out future careers, friends, spouses, etc.

Selflessness, the kind Jesus displayed on the cross, is a paramount quality we all must cultivate if we’re going to walk with anybody at all.

Some of us will walk with spouses. Some of us will walk with children. Some of us will walk with ministries. Some of us will walk with the broken and the needy. Some of us will walk through careers, sports teams or classrooms.

Our earthly with will look different for each of us. Regardless of whether you're more laid back or intentional, selflessness should look the same for all of us.

This video by one of my favorite women on earth, Lisa Harper, talks about "The With-ness of God" when we are frustrated because He isn't helping us like we think He should. I bawled my eyes out listening to it. If you have TikTok, check it out.

This is My commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. – John 15:12