Starting Over: Part II

I know a thing or two about having to start over and some of the things that can keep you from being able to move forward from the past.

There are 170 women mentioned in the Bible, but Jesus only mentions one: Lot's wife.

Lot's wife held onto the past and it was the end of her. We can learn a valuable lesson from here story. Christine Caine does a fantastic job of telling us how to not get stuck in the past in this video.

There are a couple of things that can hold us back. Perfectionism is one of them.

Perfectionism: a refusal to accept any standard short of perfection; a doctrine holding that religious, moral, social or political perfection is attainable, especially the theory that human moral or spiritual perfection should be, or has been attained.

What does perfectionism have to do with starting over in a new season of life? For one thing, fear of failure will keep you from moving forward. For other reasons, keep reading ...

King David of the Bible was not a perfectionist. He was wildly successful because of it. We see him making mistakes all throughout scripture.

1. 2 Sam. 11: David once failed to accompany his army to the battlefield, choosing to stay behind and rest. He had just defeated 700 chariots and 40,000 soldiers. Perhaps he thought he deserved a break. So, he stays behind in the city while his army goes out to fight the Ammonites. It is during this respite he spots a beautiful married woman, Bathsheba, has an affair. Before you know it, he has her husband killed to cover up his mistake, and eventually suffers grave consequences.

2. David fails as a father. Not only does his first son with Bathsheba die as a consequence of his sin ........ Amnon, his other son, assaults David's daughter, Tamar. Utterly destroys her life and future. David doesn't do anything about it. David's other son, Absalom, wanted justice for Tamar. He murders Amnon in an effort for justice. The son had to step up to get justice his father refused to give. Now, was murder the right answer? Maybe not. But, David should've done something to right that wrong committed against his daughter.

3. 2 Sam 21we see where David had to make atonement for the previous king, Saul's, mistakes, lest a famine kill them all. This shows us even those kings anointed by God were still human and still found it impossible to live up to a standard of godly perfection. It also shows us sometimes we suffer because of our mistakes, and sometimes we suffer because of another's mistake.

The point is, no one is perfect and we cannot allow our flaws to hold us back from fulfilling God's purpose for our lives.

Today we're going to be studying about he Spirit of Religion who upholds a standard of perfectionism. This spirit seeks to keep us condemned and beat down. And, we're going to talk about how to lay all that aside and truly discover our purpose.

David was one such individual who realized he could not reach perfection. God said David was a "man after [MY] own heart" (1 Sam 13:14), in part because he was quick to repent and turn to God after he'd made a mess of things.

Perhaps David was merciful to his son Absalom because he was all too aware of his own flawed human nature. David was always quick to forgive and restore, and to honor people like King Saul who didn't necessarily deserve the honor.

What we learn from King David is God isn't looking for perfection. He's looking for willingness and a person who wants to know Him, be His friend and learn His ways.

When we look at religion and perfectionism, we see a pervasive idea fueled by fear.

Fear of making a mistake ...

Fear of going to hell ...

Fear of someone thinking less of us ...

Fear of religious leaders or parents losing control of those they are responsible for ...

Etc...

I know people who are completely controlled by a religious spirit that tells them if they or someone in their family makes a mistake, it will condemn them to hell ... or at the very least land them at the bottom of the barrel of public opinion.

People with this fear do not understand the unconditional love of God, nor do they understand what Christ accomplished on the cross for them. If they understood the perfect love of God, they would not be experiencing fear of failure.

"There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been made perfect in love." (1 John 4:18)

Some people are wrapped up in fear of making a mistake. There are others who are motivated differently. Their fear is a result of having a very fragile ego, and they need others to like them in order to feel like they have done well. This can be equally damaging to progress if you're trying to move forward.

You will never accomplish anything worthwhile in life if you're not willing to be rejected and misunderstood, disliked and persecuted. Just ask Jesus and His disciples. If we spend all of our time trying to keep others happy with us, we will never have the time and energy to truly learn God, learn what He thinks of us as individuals, nor properly love those around us.

Read Romans 8 here in The Message, then come back and finish reading this blog.

There is not one mistake you could make or one short coming you could have to separate you from the unconditional love of your Heavenly Father.

There is no condemnation for those who have accepted Jesus Christ as their Savior, and who are endeavoring to grow in and learn His ways.

Sometimes our happiness and freedom is as simple as adopting a new mindset.

Read Romans 12 here in The Message and return to finish reading this blog.

Romans 12: 1-2 in NKV says, "I beseech[a] you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your [b]reasonable service. 2 And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God."

I grew up around religious spirits, perfectionism and a whole lot of small-minded jerks. It caused me to become apologetic for being human. I felt like I had to apologize for every moment I didn't look perfect, dress perfect, or have it all perfectly together at home or with my children.

One day God renewed my mind. I saw how dark and ugly that voice of condemnation was in my head. I chose to be free from it. I chose not to be a slave to perfectionism any longer.

A famed actress, recently diagnosed with M.S., apologized to her fans for her 40 lb. weight gain. I was so sad for her. The very fact that our society makes us feel like we have to apologize for our human condition is sad.

Society and social media has created a narcissistic, ego driven narrative about how we SHOULD look or behave. And, when we don't live up to the standards the world has set, then we fall into condemnation. We beat ourselves up for being human, rather than celebrating all of the wonderful things we are accomplishing.

I believe we should take care of our physical selves as best we can. However, this is what my best looks like. Take it or leave it. I also believe it is a sin to compare our progress to another's.

Our identity cannot be rooted in what the world says is acceptable. We must shift our mindset and free ourselves from the guilt of perfectionism.

• Guard our thoughts and words carefully

• Approach ourselves and others compassionately

• Accept ourselves and others lovingly

• Move forward intentionally

• Start over forgivingly

Leviticus 19:18 "Love your neighbor as yourself."

If we live love intentionally, we determine the direction our lives will go. If we live love intentionally, we allow room for mistakes, growth and restoration.

It's so easy to love someone who always does everything perfectly. We know a few of these people. But can we love ourselves and others when we/they fall short? This is the true mark of a person who has learned to walk in godly character.

The test of godly character is not can I love Jesus well?

It's can I love a Judas well? (Matthew 26)

We cannot afford to sit back and wait for other people or life to tell us we're finally worthy of love and good things. We can't depend on them to tell us if we're worthy of going, nor how far we can go. It is ONLY because of Jesus Christ and what He did for us on the cross that we are made worthy. In Him, our worth was proved.

He loved us enough to come down here and sacrifice Himself so we might know Him, be adopted into His family and spend eternity with Him. When He died on that cross, he made atonement for our flawed nature, making us joint heirs as adopted sons and daughters of our Creator, Yahweh.

When we accept this position provided for us, it is not by our works or our good deeds, but solely by accepting His gift of freedom and eternal life. (Ephesians 2:8-9)

In Christ Jesus, I am worthy...

... I will stop apologizing for being me.

... I will choose my future.

... I will choose how far I can go.

... nothing is holding me back or holding me down.

Sin only has the power we give to it. An old pastor of mine used to say, "WHERE THE FOCUS GOES, THE POWER FLOWS." If you focus on the mistakes your spouse makes, or that your children make, guess what? You're giving those mistakes more power than you're giving to Jesus.

I choose not to give my shortcomings, or the shortcomings of others, power. Instead, I focus on what Jesus has done for us. What He did is greater than any mistake any of us could ever make.

So, now that we've accepted our identity as "forgiven" (1 John 1:9) and well able to "do all things through Christ who strengthens [us}," (Phill. 4:13).

Now, how do we move forward in this next season of our lives, starting over for some of us? How do we live with intentionality?

We must ask four basic questions (questions I thank my dear friend for sharing with me last year):

1. WHO AM I?

2. WHAT IS MY PURPOSE?

3. WHAT DO I WANT?

4. WHAT AM I GRATEFUL FOR?

When it comes to WHO AM I? my answer is always "I am His beloved, and He is mine" (Song of Solomon 6:3). I belong to Christ, and that is the beginning and ending of everything. Every decision I make is based on the fact that ever fiber of my being and future is settled in and tied to my Heavenly Husband, Jesus.

For the second question of WHAT IS MY PURPOSE? I answer "To love God, love myself and love others."

WHAT DO I WANT? then becomes about ... what do I want that love for God, myself and others to look like with the time I have left here on this earth? If I can work with God to figure this out, then that's the direction my life should head in, and I should make daily decisions accordingly.

• Some of us might want to run companies, fund missions and create jobs for others

• Some might feel called to minister to the people they work with each day

• Others might feel called to teach and love on children, shaping hearts and minds

• Some believe God has specifically called them to be good stewards of their own children, and to simply focus on being good mothers and fathers through foster care or adoption or homeschooling their own children

• A small group feels called into ministry

• Some might want to fill the world with beautiful art, books and music

• Others want to ease suffering by being doctors, nurses, care-givers, counselors, etc.

There are so many ways we can love God's children and make this world a better place. The options are endless.

Finally, WHAT AM I GRATEFUL FOR? I can't answer this one for you, but for me, I am grateful for the freedom I have found in Christ that provides for me, protects my family, and has helped me to set aside bondages, such as religion, perfectionism, fear and bigotry. I am grateful to have the freedom to love myself and others, with all of our flaws and human limitations.

The hardest question to answer is the hardest because it's really difficult for most of us to be honest with ourselves about what we want. Especially if we grew up being told that everything we want, or that our heart wants, is evil. Pastors and teachers often twist the scripture, quoting Jeremiah 17:9-10 "The heart is deceitful above all tings, and desperately wicked: who can know it?" This doesn't mean everything we desire is wicked.

For others, it can be hard to ask for what you want because everything you ever dared to want was taken away from you. Maybe these losses left you feeling like, "Why does it matter what I want?? God obviously doesn't care about what I want!!!" I understand the frustration ... because I have been there. I have suffered so many losses for so many years in a row, I have felt like I didn't matter to God at all, at times.

Some of us are so numb from the losses and the traumas we've been through, we don't know if God loves us or cares about our future.

Or, if we still want the things we used to want.

Or, if our future has any hope of being better than our past has been.

I used to have an intense desire to be a pastor. But, now that I've been through divorce, I don't know if that's a realistic want for me anymore. I'm still asking the WHAT DO I WANT? question.

I understand what it's like to be older, starting over, and asking yourself not just WHAT DO I WANT? but what do I want NOW?

Do you know how I know Jesus cares about our heart's desires and our futures? Because He already sacrificed everything so we could have it. He already proved we were worth it.

I will encourage you, as you're asking yourself what you want ... as you bravely ask the hardest question you will ever ask yourself ... Ask:

Not ... what will make me happy?

But ... go back to questions #2: What is my purpose, and how do I want to walk that out?

If my purpose is to love God, how can I do that well?

If my purpose is to love myself, how can I do that well?

If my purpose is to love others, how can I do that well?

What do I want that love for God, myself and others to look like tangibly, realistically, in the earthly years I have remaining?

Purpose can carry you where happiness cannot. Purpose will sustain you through the hard times. Purpose is an assignment, and you can stick to that assignment through hard times when you truly believe in it.

You're never to old to redefine what your purpose looks like for this next season of your life. God wants to work with you towards a more fulfilling future.

Food for thought:

Another way of asking the four questions is this...

1. Who Am I? (apart from everyone else)

2. Where Do I Come From? (how has this shaped me as a person?)

3. Where Do I Want To Go? (despite my past, what do I want my future to look like?)

4. Who Do I Want To Bring Along With Me? (what area of the world can I be a positive influence?)

I hope this has been helpful for those of you who find yourself trying to define who you are and how to move forward in the next best season of your lives.

Blessings <><